ATL Diaries: Dreams, Pizza and Politics

Well, I finally have a start date for my new job. Starting this Monday, I’ll officially be employed. A steady paycheck and no worries, yay me! Lol

Anyways, I did some getting out this week. No clubs though. A friend took me out showing me around some areas of Midtown. We walked through Atlantic Station, which is a place I may be hitting up quite a bit. I can finally say I live in a city where there’s an H&M…even if I can’t fit their shit. Which reminds me, I need a workout partner. *makes mental note* The friend also took me to this pizza place that I don’t remember the name of but it’s some good pizza. We also went to see Inception…for free. *Don’t ask* Oh, and I’m not supposed to tell that he ate some ice cream. Well, I’m telling y’all but y’all don’t know who he is, lol. I certainly enjoyed that time and learned a little more about ATL.

Other than that, I’ve been watching CNN all week. I think it’s because I need my politics fix since I have no one here to discuss it. At least I’m getting my lemon pepper wings.

Movie Review: Despicable Me and Inception

Despicable Me

At first I didn’t care too much for this movie. The initial trailer previews didn’t give me the idea that this film would be a good one; although I thought the little kids (kids, not kidz) would love it regardless. But as time went on, the previews revealed a little more of the film then came the little girl. “It’s so fluffy!!” Lol, she’s so cute. So I decided to pull up the movie online *yes, ONLINE* and watch it. I gotta say, I laughed my ass off throughout the movie. I had the wrong impression; this movie is hilariously fun. I wish I would have been able to take my niece to see it. Definitely worth it. I also recommend the soundtrack, which is produced by Pharrell. Grade: A+

Inception

I never understood what this film would be about before walking into the movie theater. Just as I expected, it was confusing at times. This is a kind of film that you’d have to really pay attention or else if you miss two seconds, you’d be seriously lost. I like those kinds of movies that can hold my attention like that. However, despite a little confusion, I still understood what was going on. Most films of this nature are hard to pull off but Inception was brilliantly executed. It takes you on a dream within a dream within a dream that can be created and controlled by the sleeping individual. The confusing part comes when you don’t know when the characters are in a dream or not, lol. I recommend it. Grade: A

ATL Diaries: up in the club...

So I've been in ATL for two weeks now. My job keeps changing my start date but let's hope I start this week. Until then, I'm just going to say TBA. As for non-employment related stuff, would you believe if I told you that I still haven't gone anywhere? Well that changed this past Saturday. My cousin and I went to Midtown Bowl where he introduced me to his friends...all 49 of them. *thats just an exaggeration btw* He did have a lot of friends, which is his "family". I'm still trying to learn and get used to this lifestyle but I'll probably never understand the purpose of a gay family. #Dontjudgeme. Anywho, they're all cool and fun but...they're pretty much G.H.E.T.T.O. After 9 frames I bowled a 79 (we didn't finish before our time was up). Needless to say, despite my quiet nature upon meeting new people, which is really me scoping them out *think of it as personality screening*, I had fun. Afterward, some of us decided to go to a club. Thanks to my cuzzo, everyone knew I was pretty new to the scene so this would he my first time going to a gay club…Bulldogs. I thought it was an alright experience, besides the no-talent DJ who couldn't mix the music right. Hell, I would have done a better job with my experience. The crowd was a bit on the older side. One of our friends, who's more around my age or maybe younger, realized (probably not paying attention) this was my first time then turned to me and said "I feel sorry for you. Your first time in a gay club and they brought you here?! That ain't right." They wanted to get me to loosen up and dance but I don't dance...in the clubs. House parties are a different story. At least nobody groped me or else #thatsaproblem. But it wasn't all bad because my cuzzo and his friends kept me entertained. Like seriously they are some fools.

I hate meeting a big group of new people because I can never remember names that way. The few that did go to Bulldogs I did remember because it was more personal since it was a very small group. I think they might have made me a part of the family. They kept referring to me as my cousin's "child". Um...O_O And I've been branded. According to them, my alter ego is Helen Keller. Don't ask. I see fun times in the near future.

Your love made me iridescent...

Artist: Monica
Song: Love All Over Me
Album: Still Standing (In Stores Now)

The 2nd single from one of the year's best selling female R&B artist, Monica, is poised to become her 2nd number one R&B hit from the number one album, Still Standing. "Love All Over Me" is a soulful ballad, the follow-up to the first single, "Everything To Me", a number one hit for 8 weeks on the charts. LAOM, which once again the fans decided for the single thanks to Monica and J Records, jumped ten spots to reach #14 in its 8th week. The video, which finally premiered on 106 & Park yesterday, is beautiful and cinematic, although not completed as there are alternate endings. It stars Lakers champion player Shannon Brown, who portray's Monica's new love, and rapper Maino, the old love who had to go away for a few years. Monica and Shannon are engaged to be married but when Maino returns back into her life, Monica is left to choose who she wants to be with. The twist: the fans get to decide her fate. Voting is currently underway, and this version of the video will run until the final results revealed on Friday, July 23rd. The final video will be revealed, showing who the fans decided Monica will meet at the alter. Who will it be? Stay tuned.

I'm for #TeamShannon.

Is it wrong?

If you’re talking to someone and you’re not sure whether you two are dating, though you like that person but they haven’t shown any signs of wanting to be more than friends…is it wrong to have a one night stand with someone else, even if you didn’t have feelings for them? Would you feel guilty, like you’ve cheated? What if you did but you later find out the person you like actually does want to be more than friends?

Man that would suck. All I can say is "Damn."

What do you think?

So I came out...

...the other day to my cousin, whom I'm staying with here in ATL. Yeah, he's gay too.

He had asked if I wanted to go out to the club with him and his friends, so I told him "sure". He then emphasized it's a gay club. I told him, "So."

A few days later, he wanted to see if I was sure if I'd have no problem going to a gay club, right? So he asked me why, and I told him "because I am."

"You are what?"
"Gay."
"Are you sure?"
*Blank stare*
"Fuck you mean, am I sure?"

Basically, he kept asking question after question. I had to explain how and why I was sure. I wasn't even prepared for where this conversation was going.

"Do you want to be with a guy?"
"Have you been with a girl? Did you like it? How was it?"
"When was the last time you've been with a guy?"
"How many guys?"
"Tell me about your first time."
"Did you give or receive?"
"How did you know about 'cleaning yourself'?"
"Where have you had sex?"
"How big were these dudes?"
"Do you still talk to them?"
"Are you talking to someone now?"
"Are you going to give up the goodies to him?"

Needless to say, this was the most craziest, awkward conversation I've ever had. Then he had to make me tell him the words "I'm gay" because I've never really spoke them before. Countless times. Until I got comfortable saying it. I think I was comfortable by the 2nd time but he was being an ass. I love my crazy kinfolk.

Bounce...

Let's just say the fellas won. At this point, after all the videos I've seen, even the white boys doing it better than the ladies.

ATL Diaries: The first week...

I'm starting my new life in Atlanta. So far, I haven't done much. I did meet my future co-workers and the boss. Had some of the soul food that gave me the serious case of the "itis". I live in Midtown, about 5 to 10 minutes down the street from CNN headquarters, Phillips Arena and the Georgia Dome. In fact, I can see all three from my place. Great view. I can't wait to start hitting up the malls and clubs. One club I want to go to is Traxx because I hear so much about it. I'm finally being myself. Oh yeah, I spent an evening with a special person, finally meeting him for the first time. Could something happen? Stay tuned...

I'm not alone...

This past Sunday night (Fourth of July), my best friend and my mom threw me a going away party. It was amazing spending my last full day in Houston with my friends and family before I leave to Atlanta. As the evening winded down, my mom gathered my siblings and I into a room for a private discussion. My little brother walked out because he was "hurt". I didn't know what that was about but it was now just my mom, my sister and me. Next thing I knew, my worst fear was happening. They told me that they knew. They knew everything. I was scared, my heart started beating faster and my breathing began to speed up. A few weeks ago, my sister accidentally came across a four-page paper that I had written when I was having a bad moment. She had read it. She found out how I felt with everything I had been through in the past. She found out I was molested as a child by a family member I trusted...one I looked up to. (I didn't include the person's name) She found out that I felt alone and scared, that it seemed like I had nobody to be there for me. She found out...that I'm gay. My sister told my mom and brother about the note. They didn't care about the part about my sexuality. What hurt them the most was the fact that I had gotten to a point where I wanted to leave this life. Yes, I had also wrote about killing myself so I wouldn't have to deal with my family hating me. That part is what mattered to them. They assured me that I should have just told them the truth and that nothing would be different. All of them still love me no matter what. They accept me for who I am, and want what's best for me. They just want me to be who I am and not have to hide from them anymore. In fact, my sister thought me being gay was cool, lol. As for the person that did what they had done to me, my mom won't pressure me into telling their identity. She's leaving that up to me, if and when I feel that the time is right. However, I don't think she'd be able to handle it. I wouldn't be able to handle telling her. So it turned out that this was the reason my brother was hurt. He told me if he found how who it was, he'd kill them. This is my little bro, who I raised while my mom worked numerous jobs. I'm sitting here right now with tears in my eyes, remembering that look he had in his eyes. 

I feel relieved now, to know that my family has my back and that I am loved. I'm no longer faced with the fear of having to come out to them. I love them, and I've been saying this so much, but I'm going to miss them. As I leave for ATL tonight, I don't have to worry about them worrying about me. As for my extended family, I don't have to tell them (my fam is leaving that up to me). If they find out then they find out. Besides, my immediate family are the only ones that matter.

Day 4 and 5

Day 4 - Your siblings:

To my older lil bro and sis: I don’t think anybody has the kind of bond as siblings we have. We fuss and we fight but at the end of the day, we all laugh. If there was an argument, two seconds later we’re there for each other. I wouldn’t trade you guys for anything in the world. Nothing and no one will ever come between us. Even though we’ll now be halfway across the country apart, my love and our bond will never change. You are two of the greatest people in my life ever. I love you guys so much and I always will. I hope y’all will come visit me sometimes.

To my baby bro and sis: You guys are still pretty young and getting to know me as I’m getting to know you. I’m still trying to get used to having such young siblings. It’s weird though because I’m old enough to be your dad, lol. For 20 years, I only had to deal with just two, and now I have two more. What in the world am I going to do? At least we’re off to a good start, so far. Even though I won’t be in Houston anymore, I’m still going to make sure you guys have whatever you need and that all five of us remain close. I’ll still be your big brother and I’m only a call away. Of course, me and the older ones will make sure y’all don’t do the same crazy things we did. Y’all have to do something crazier, lol. I love y’all.

Day 5 - Your Dreams

I’ve always wanted to become an Obstetrician/Gynecologist. Nooooo, it’s not because I want to look at pussy all day. I get annoyed when people say that, lol. Although, that ain’t too bad. I realized this dream when I was in middle school and it’s something that I became passionate about. Of course, I need to hurry up and finish undergrad so I can get my ass to med school. But I’d rather take my time right now. I’m currently on a journey that can take me anywhere. I’m enjoying life. Fuck being a robot zombie.

Day 3 - Your parents

Mom: Gosh, you are THE most amazing woman I admire most in this world. I swear there is no one  else that can even come close. You did it all by yourself, raising three children. You are a strong black woman and you’ve worked hard to get where you are now. Your love, your caring and nurturing, and disciplining lol…all helped shaped me into the man I am today. You taught me to be respectable, well-mannered and independent, to stand up for myself and speak what I believe in. As shy as I used to be, nothing can keep my mouth shut now, lol. There are times I should have listened to you, now that I look back, but sometimes I have to do things and learn on my own. In the end, I always turned out all right. I know how much you love me that you don’t even need to say it. We’ve had our differences but because of our special bond that goes beyond mother and son, we can always get past them. You are my rock. You’ve been there when I needed you all my life and now I’m leaving, going to live in another state. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you but I know I’ll be okay. I know you are proud of me but I feel like I still have a long way to go. I love you, Mom.

Dad “Papi”: I might not have much to say to you whenever we’re together but I do love you, no matter what. I wish we had a better relationship than what we have now but at least we were working on it. If only I didn’t have to leave. I wish you would have been there for me all those years though. You’re a strong man. No matter how much life knocked you down, you always got back up. You’ve been given another chance to change things. I love my stepmom and little baby brother and sister. You’re doing so much better in your life now and you’re making it work. No matter what, I’m proud of you for making the effort.

Day 2 - Letter to your crush

{UknowWhoUare}

I really, really, really, REALLY like you a lot, which you already know, lol. I’ve enjoyed talking to you and getting to know you these past 3 months. My day feels complete whenever I hear from you. Anytime we don’t have contact, I feel incomplete. All I can think about is you, no matter what I’m doing. It just puts a smile on my face. I hope soon we’ll finally start our future together. :)

New Beginnings...

Atlanta, here I come!

I still can't believe this is actually happening. I'm really leaving the only place I called home since birth: Houston. It will always be my home and I will miss it so much. Everybody's there: my family and friends, acquaintances. *I'm not gonna cry*sniffles* H-town will always be the best...despite Rick Perry, the "Teabaggers" *lmao* and some ghetto country bumpkins. I'll miss the beautiful skyline, trail rides in the middle of the hood, the daily schizophrenic weather, Dave Ward and them, um...well, Astroworld has been gone 5 years already but I'll still miss that like I do to this day. Some restaurants. Oh, especially the Mexican food. No other state can do Mexican like Texas; it's the closest to the REAL thing you'll ever get. Shit, the right restaurant probably IS the real thing, lol. What else: being an hour away from the beaches, Schlitterbaughn (however that place is spelled), the Houston-Dallas rivalry, Rockets games (screw the Texans and Astros), voting for Bill White (Dem) for governor. I'm gonna have to learn everything about Atlanta. By the way, I'll never be a Hawks or Falcons fan. I mean, honestly, they suck. Love me or hate me, I'm a Cowboys and Rockets fan til the day I die. *Atliens probably hate me already lol*

Does it snow in ATL often? I only like snow every four years. Houston thing.

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 1 - Your Best Friend

{Nikki} All I can say is thank you. Knowing you for the past three years have been the best and I thank God for bringing you into my life. In fact, it’s funny we have the same cousins and crossed paths so many times before we actually met, lol. I’ve had a couple of best friends in my life but you have been the best yet. We shared so much laughter and so many tears between us. You’ve been there for me through whatever, even if I didn’t want you there. You’re the greatest there is. Even if you get on my last nerves and annoy the heck out of me sometimes {often…very, very often}, I will always love you for sticking it out with me and my crazy personality. You’ve gotten to know me, more than what my own family does. Sometimes, though, it seems like you need a manual, lol. No matter what happened between us, our friendship prevailed. I want you to know that I do care, though it may seems as if I don’t. Now it seems that I’m going to be leaving (if I get things settled in time). I want you to know, whatever happens from here on out, I’ll always be there for you - my ears and my shoulders, and I hope you’ll do the same for me. I may not tell you everything, seem so mysterious (which I like to be) and secretive (you ain’t gotta know err’thang lol) but I hope one day you’ll FINALLY understand me completely and why I’m that way. You are the TRUEST friend there is and I hate when you’re taken advantage of. Just remember everything I tell you when you’re going through something and you’ll be alright. I love you bestie and I appreciate you very much.

AJ