I'm not alone...

This past Sunday night (Fourth of July), my best friend and my mom threw me a going away party. It was amazing spending my last full day in Houston with my friends and family before I leave to Atlanta. As the evening winded down, my mom gathered my siblings and I into a room for a private discussion. My little brother walked out because he was "hurt". I didn't know what that was about but it was now just my mom, my sister and me. Next thing I knew, my worst fear was happening. They told me that they knew. They knew everything. I was scared, my heart started beating faster and my breathing began to speed up. A few weeks ago, my sister accidentally came across a four-page paper that I had written when I was having a bad moment. She had read it. She found out how I felt with everything I had been through in the past. She found out I was molested as a child by a family member I trusted...one I looked up to. (I didn't include the person's name) She found out that I felt alone and scared, that it seemed like I had nobody to be there for me. She found out...that I'm gay. My sister told my mom and brother about the note. They didn't care about the part about my sexuality. What hurt them the most was the fact that I had gotten to a point where I wanted to leave this life. Yes, I had also wrote about killing myself so I wouldn't have to deal with my family hating me. That part is what mattered to them. They assured me that I should have just told them the truth and that nothing would be different. All of them still love me no matter what. They accept me for who I am, and want what's best for me. They just want me to be who I am and not have to hide from them anymore. In fact, my sister thought me being gay was cool, lol. As for the person that did what they had done to me, my mom won't pressure me into telling their identity. She's leaving that up to me, if and when I feel that the time is right. However, I don't think she'd be able to handle it. I wouldn't be able to handle telling her. So it turned out that this was the reason my brother was hurt. He told me if he found how who it was, he'd kill them. This is my little bro, who I raised while my mom worked numerous jobs. I'm sitting here right now with tears in my eyes, remembering that look he had in his eyes. 

I feel relieved now, to know that my family has my back and that I am loved. I'm no longer faced with the fear of having to come out to them. I love them, and I've been saying this so much, but I'm going to miss them. As I leave for ATL tonight, I don't have to worry about them worrying about me. As for my extended family, I don't have to tell them (my fam is leaving that up to me). If they find out then they find out. Besides, my immediate family are the only ones that matter.