Tiger apologizes for being a Cheetah...

“Good morning. If you’re not wearing my wedding ring and you didn’t come out my nutsack, I don’t owe you shit. Fuck all y’all. Have a wonderful day.”

That’s what Tiger should have stated during his press conference.

He was calling out words like he can’t read and putting on the worst act ever. Did y’all see those tears trying to come out? He’s trying to get that Kleenex endorsement. He knows damn well the media will not leave his wife and his kids alone. SNL will eat this shit alive.

He could have done better with a sit-down with Diane or Barbara would have sufficed.

Alright, time to get serious for a minute.

How I feel about public apologies: FUCK IT! Why was this a big deal anyway? Nothing is owed to us but the people involved. In this case, it was his wife and kids. I hate when public figures come out giving public apologies because, in my opinion, it’s not sincere or genuine. Even if they unsuccessfully “appear” saddened, sincere or genuine (see: Tiger Woods). It’s just a forced attempt to repair their public image when, really, NO ONE CARES! So what if you couldn’t keep your dick in the pants (Tiger, Bill Clinton)? So what if you threatened to shove a tennis racket up somebody’s ass (Serena Williams)? So what if you like to rape white hoes (Kobe)?  We still love them and respect them. Granted, we will still be making fun of them but you get the point (see: Crackney & Mooriah).

Tiger didn’t cheat on me, you or anyone else but his wife. Elin dealt with it when she beat the shit outta his ass with that golf club (Tiger ain’t fooling nobody by denying that). So, in the words of one of my besties, anybody that felt that he NEEDED to apologize to us clearly needs a life.

Michael Jordan. Shaquille O’neil. Chris Brown. OJ Simpson. Hell, even Alicia Keys.  They are all human just like the rest of us. They’re bound to fuck up at some point. On to the next one…

By the way, maybe now Tiger will only mess with the black chicks cuz you know they don’t tell anything… #justsayin.