Tiger apologizes for being a Cheetah...

“Good morning. If you’re not wearing my wedding ring and you didn’t come out my nutsack, I don’t owe you shit. Fuck all y’all. Have a wonderful day.”

That’s what Tiger should have stated during his press conference.

He was calling out words like he can’t read and putting on the worst act ever. Did y’all see those tears trying to come out? He’s trying to get that Kleenex endorsement. He knows damn well the media will not leave his wife and his kids alone. SNL will eat this shit alive.

He could have done better with a sit-down with Diane or Barbara would have sufficed.

Alright, time to get serious for a minute.

How I feel about public apologies: FUCK IT! Why was this a big deal anyway? Nothing is owed to us but the people involved. In this case, it was his wife and kids. I hate when public figures come out giving public apologies because, in my opinion, it’s not sincere or genuine. Even if they unsuccessfully “appear” saddened, sincere or genuine (see: Tiger Woods). It’s just a forced attempt to repair their public image when, really, NO ONE CARES! So what if you couldn’t keep your dick in the pants (Tiger, Bill Clinton)? So what if you threatened to shove a tennis racket up somebody’s ass (Serena Williams)? So what if you like to rape white hoes (Kobe)?  We still love them and respect them. Granted, we will still be making fun of them but you get the point (see: Crackney & Mooriah).

Tiger didn’t cheat on me, you or anyone else but his wife. Elin dealt with it when she beat the shit outta his ass with that golf club (Tiger ain’t fooling nobody by denying that). So, in the words of one of my besties, anybody that felt that he NEEDED to apologize to us clearly needs a life.

Michael Jordan. Shaquille O’neil. Chris Brown. OJ Simpson. Hell, even Alicia Keys.  They are all human just like the rest of us. They’re bound to fuck up at some point. On to the next one…

By the way, maybe now Tiger will only mess with the black chicks cuz you know they don’t tell anything… #justsayin.

Black History: Ali - The World's Greatest

 

"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them...

A desire. A dream. A vision.

They have last-minute stamina. They have to be a little faster. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill."

R. Kelly.::The World's Greatest::.

Usher...the superhero?

I'm dedicating this post to my one of my best buddies....Steven. :-)

As we all know, multiplatinum R&B singer Usher took the stage this past Sunday night to open the most boring but record-breaking (almost 109k in attendance) NBA All-Star game to date, which was held in Dallas (I hear the night life was shit and people were saying H-town was better, hehehe). Anyway, Ush was looking like something straight out of a lame superhero comic book:

 

I'll admit that the "Daddy's Home (Hey Daddy)" song grew on me and I immediately took a liking to the other song "There Goes My Baby". But Usher lost his steez ever since he hooked up with MANteka. And all these publicity stunts - marrying a man and having 2 kids then the messy divorce and trying to stage a hook-up with his ex-chick Chili (of TLC) - are not going to help him get back that "Confessions" magic. I hope he doesn't think he can make a comeback with a lackluster performance wearing carpi pants and a plastic body shield.

 

CLEARLY not a good look. Smh.

Lombardi Gras!!!!

  

31-17!!!!!!!!!!!

SUPER BOWL XLIV CHAMPIONS

Special #shoutout to Tracy Porter for that crazy interception and Jonathan Casillas for recovering that on-side kick!

They were serious about putting this game away, lol!

I say WHO DAT?! Shawty WE DAT!!

Check out that haircut, lol!

 

Somewhere, a very ecstatic Kim Kardashian is jumping around screaming, "I'm getting married! I'm getting married!" I couldn't be more proud. *tear*

 

Sorry, Peyton. I know this must suck for you. 

Anyway...

Laissez les bon temps roulez!!!

(That means "Let the good times roll!" for you non-French speakers)

#Shoutout to all the bandwagon Colts fans that didn't want the Saints to win because you hate that Reggie Bush got a white girlfriend named Kim Kardashian. By the way, she's ARMENIAN!!!

GEAUX SAINTS!! YOU KNEAUX!!!

#WhoDatNation

Who Dat!!!

They couldn't beat dem SAINTS baybeeehhhhhhh!!!!!!

I'm ready for that BLACK&GOLD Superbowl!!

GEAUX SAINTS!!!!!

#WhoDatNation

Funerals & Football

I hate BLACK FUNERALS.

Yeah, that might make me seem racist towards my own people but it's the truth. Unless it's a Catholic funeral, I can't stand black funerals.

Black folks get LOUD. They get G.H.E.T.T.O. The congregation puts on a DANCE contest. You know, during the HOLY GHOST time!

The women try to compete to see who can put on an Oscar-worthy breakdown or who can CRY the LOUDEST.

The choir's lead singer doesn't SING. He SCREAMS!!! And you're stuck SITTING RIGHT NEXT to those damn speakers! The preacher puts on a L-O-N-G-E-R sermon than necessary. So long that your ass starts hurting just sitting there to a point where you just get up and walk out. Not to mention, it was HOTTER THAN HELL in the church as ALWAYS!

And of course, since my uncle (R.I.P) LOVED the Pittsburg Steelers, Mr. Preacher Man had to talk about football. So naturally, I thought about the wildcard games that were on later that night.

Yuuup, them damn COWBOYS handed the Philadelphia Eagles their asses on a silver platter. Them Eagles fans talked a WHOLE LOTTA SHIT before the game but they were dead quiet by halftime. And they said Tony Romo was underrated...but they were praying for Jessica Simpson to show up, lol. McNabb who?

The Jets and Ravens won as I expected them to. I didn't care too much for Green Bay and Arizona but I kinda hoped the Packers would have advanced since Houston's own Johnny Jolly, a high school classmate *North Forest's Forest Brook High School*, is a part of the team.

I'll give it to 'em...

Alabama won. Congratulations.

They were smart enough to know that taking out Colt McCoy was the only way they would win.

As for the bandwagoners...*insert shade here*

I still bleed Burnt Orange.

By the way, I hope Mark Ingram gets snatched up by a damn good NFL team. 

P.S. He's kinda cute...

This pic of Pres. Obama with the Longhorns. Dedicated to Steven :-)

He loves to believe that this is photoshopped. #Denial

 

Really now...

LEAVE CHEETAH ALONE...

Since November 27th, the mainstream media has been covering EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL. in the case regarding the private matters of world famous pro golfer Tiger "Cheetah" Woods. Ever since his late-night single vehicle accident, the public has been speculating what happened at the Woods home, from his wife beating the shit out of him with his own golf club to him sleeping with many other women. To date, a total of 12 women have come forth, from party girls to congeniality contestants to porn stars, and the number continues to rise. The media even provided the public with details of the new revised prenuptial agreement, in which Mrs. Woods is rumored to receive nearly $300 million if she and Tiger were to divorce. I figured with entertainment media lingering a little this would all blow over after a couple of days. Boy, was I wrong! Every news media outlet - evening, local, national, entertainment, sports, web...you name it, it's included - STILL continues to report new details every day, all day...and I am SICK of it all. Just the other day, there was a frickin' BREAKING NEWS bulletin about Tiger's mother-in-law being rushed to the hospital. A recording of the 911 call was released and cameras were rolling when she was wheeled from the ambulance into the hospital. WTF!! I'm sure that woman felt her privacy was violated. Can they PLEASE leave this man and his family alone to deal with their PERSONAL & PRIVATE matters? There are more IMPORTANT matters that we should be worried about like national security and the wars, health care reform and the economy. Hell, I'm more worried about global warming than Cheetah *ahem* I mean, Tiger being a playa. It's his fault he messed around with bitches that couldn't keep their mouths shut.

SUSAN BORE-YLE...
This ol' bat named Susan Boyle sold more than 1.2 million records in the U.S. within two weeks of her release, beating both Crackney and Moo-riah COMBINED, and a total nearly 4 million worldwide. The jazz covers set, I Dream A Dream, is on track to sell another 600K in the U.S., denying my crush Chris Brown a potential number 1 spot. This is really amazing, no lie, considering the state of album sales and the music business BUT I really don't understand the hype about this:

 

SuBo has a really great voice and all but...she's a BORE!!! She's only good enough to put me to sleep. I can understand her selling like hot cakes because of the hype but DAMN!! Guess all the old folks had enough of most of the crap that's taken over the radio. #KanyeShrugs

I smell Roses!!!

TEXAS WINS!!!!!!

Colt McCoy threw his 3rd and final interception that resulted in Nebraska taking a 12-10 lead with 1:44 left in the game. I was blood-red PISSED. 

Then I thought, maybe Colt and the offense company will surprise us. There was still enough time left. All they had to do was transform into the super powerful team they were in the 12 weeks prior. They have just enough time to get into field goal range and win this game.

Yeah, I know. The Longhorns offense put on a horrid display, piss-poor performance the entire 38 minutes and 16 seconds of regulation. Colt was sacked 9 times and scored the lone TD. They only rushed 38 yards and Colt passed 184. Terrible.

But Colt managed to get them to field goal range. I stood up. I was praying and cussing at the same time. I know, I'm going to hell. That's a given anyway. 

3rd & 13. I kept saying, "Go for field goal!!" Everyone else in the room was against me and my Longhorns. They were still pissed we managed to beat their precious sorry ass Texas A&M on Thanksgiving. Oh well. Back to the game. 

Colt & co. decided they were going to try for a TD throw. I knew this wasn't going to go over well. I was going KAH-RAY-ZEE!! With about 5 seconds left, Colt snapped, ran towards the sideline and threw the ball out of bounds as the clock wound down. The Huskers celebrated, everyone around me cheered.

Suddenly,

there was a call for review of the play. Replay showed, with the clock, the Longhorns had 1 second left thanks to the NCAA rule: once the ball hits SOMETHING, the clock must stop. Just our luck.

Hunter Lawrence is up. 4th & 13. 49 yard field goal. I felt the same way I did when the Texans were playing the Titans. I was going to tear shit up in the house if Hunter pulled a Kris Brown. The Texans kicker, not the Ike Turner wannabe singer. The Huskers tried to distract Hunter with a time out but that didn't phase him. 

Snap. Hunter kicks...and it's GOOD!!! Cheers, confetti & Big 12 Champions trophy. All is right with the world.

 

Next stop: the BCS National Title Rose Bowl.  

HOOK 'EM HORNS!!