The thing called the Grammys....

Last night was the biggest night for music. It was also the biggest joke. You didn't need to watch it to know that as evident by the fact that a certain southern bouncy bottom belle had ten nominations and a certain small town country prom queen (is she still like 16) had 8. Plus, stan drama: a certain group of stans were hating very hard on that country prom queen. Then again, they hate anyone they see as a threat. Can you say, dee-lusional?

Let's start with The Performances:
Lady Gaga opened the show. With her, you never know what to expect. She began showstopping performance with her super number one hit, "Poker Face", and concluded by joining a sparkly rhinestoned Elton John at a pair of conjoined pianos for her song "Speechless" and his song "Your Song". It set the tone for the Grammy telecast and I couldn't wait to see who could top her. I love this chick. A+
Beyonce did as I expected. She started off big with a SWAT/military drill team, paraded down the aisles to the stage, and stood in place to kick off her seeming-to-be big show. Did she follow through? Hell no! She performed her boring hit song "If I Were A Boy", a song I hate. She sang, screamed, sashayed, FELL. She even covered Alanis Morisette's "You Oughta Know". *Cringe* Of course, the S.T.A.N.S. love their GAWDESS and gave her WAAAY too much praise. A crotch grab would have made this more interesting. C-
P!NK - what else can I say? Quietly walking out while singing the song "Glitter in the Air", I almost wasn't going to like the boring stand-there-and-sing. It just wasn't her. Then she stripped from the rob and started flying, flipping, spinning and showering. It was like watching the Cirque du Soleil. Ah-mazing! Third best of the night. A
Black Eyed Peas performed their new single, "Imma Be" - which, by the way, goes the fuck AWF! - and their number one hit, "I Gotta Feeling", another song that goes the fuck AWF! B
Jamie Foxx featuring T-Pain, George Clinton and Doug E. Fresh - "Blame It"...#EpicFAIL!!! It was like the BET Awards. I felt offended. WTF was that shit? And I'm not going to touch the subject of his sister who happens to be mentally challenged. The people on Twitter were so wrong for calling that girl "Precious". Not funny at all. Positive: Slash is a BEAST on the guitar. F-
Andrea Bocelli - A+ for SANGIN' "Bridge Over Troubled Water" during Haiti tribute. Mary J. Blige - D- for SCREAMIN' "Bridge Over Troubled Water" during Haiti tribute.
Drake, Lil Wayne and Eminem were bleeped during their entire performance. Literally, the ENTIRE damn performance. Is it that serious, FCC? What was the purpose of the Grammy's having them on the stage then? Positive: Travis Barker is a BEAST on those drums. I can't even grade them.
The Michael Jackson Tribute: The song - "Earth Song", my most favorite MJ tune. The performers - Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson and Carrie Underwood all KILLED IT, Smokie Robinson was nice and Usher failed. The over-hyped 3D? #Fail. Prince Michael and Paris accepting the Grammy honor for their dad, the King? #Priceless. Best of the night. A

Some of The Winners:
Record of the Year: "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. (Well deserved. Beats out "Halo" by Bouncy, "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas, "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga and "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift.)
Album of the Year: "Fearless" by Taylor Swift. (Lady Gaga's "The Fame" was robbed. Oh well, better her than Beyonce. #EpicFail)
Song of the Year: "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" by Beyonce. (This is a songwriters award. Maxwell's "Pretty Wings" or Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody" should have been the winner. #Fail)
Best New Artist: Zac Brown Band. (Condolences to Keri Flopson.)
Pop Vocals Female: "Halo" by Beyonce. (I'll settle for this one even if I preferred P!NK's "Sober".)
Pop Vocals Duo/Group: "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas.
Pop Vocal Album: "The E.N.D." by Black Eyed Peas.
Dance Recording: "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga.
Electronic/Dance Album: "The Fame" by Lady Gaga.
Rock Vocals Duo/Group: "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon.
Rock Song: "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon.
Rock Album: "21st Century Breakdown" by Green Day.
R&B Vocals Female: "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" by Beyonce. (This is NOT R&B nor is it any impressive vocal performance. Melanie, Jazmine or Lalah should have taken this home.)
R&B Vocals Male: "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell. (The way it should be.)
R&B Vocals Duo/Group: "Blame It" by Jamie Foxx featuring T-Pain. (Eh. It was more popular than the others but the others were better quality.)
R&B Vocals Traditional: "At Last" by Beyonce. (Another one Bouncy shouldn't have won. Anthony Hamilton, Ann Nesby, Calvin Richardson <---- Any one of them would have been the better winner.)
R&B Song: "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" by Beyonce. (I'd be okay with this if it was about popularity and sales. However, it's a SONGWRITERS award. To me, this award is about the lyrical content and quality of the song. "Single Ladies" seems like it was written by a bunch of 5th graders. "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell or "Lions, Tigers and Bears" by Jazmine Sullivan should have taken this one. Plus, I consider "Single Ladies" a Pop song, not R&B.)
R&B Album: "BLACKsummer'snight" by Maxwell. (Well deserved.)
R&B Album Contemporary: "I Am...Sasha Fierce" by Beyonce. (Trey Songz's "Ready" was more deserving than this horrible mess. Hell, Whitney Houston's "I Look To You" should have been nominated and taken this one.)
Rap Solo: "D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)" by Jay-Z. (Either this or Kid Cudi's "Day N Nite".)
Rap Group/Duo: "Crack A Bottle" by Eminem, 50 Cent and Dr. Dre. (Eh. I'd have gone with "Amazing" by Kanye West and Young Jeezy.)
Rap/Sung Collaboration: "Run This Town" by Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye West. (Kinda tough category. "Knock You Down" by Keri Hilson, Kanye West and Ne-Yo was my joint, and so was "Dead and Gone" by T.I. and Justin Timberlake.)
Rap Song: "Run This Town" by Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye West. (Again, another tough one. Kid Cudi's "Day N Night", T.I. and Justin Timberlake's "Dead and Gone", and Jay-Z's "D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)".)
Rap Album: "Relapse" by Eminem. (I never heard this but I would have given this to Common for "Universal Mind Control or Q-Tip for "The Renaissance".)
Gospel Song: "God In Me" by Mary Mary.

Bouncy should NOT have 16 Grammy's. Half, maybe. But 16? Hell no. Aretha has 19. Quincy Jones has 27. Michael Jackson, 14. Whitney, 6. Celine, 5. You see where I'm going with this?

And now...the Fashion:

 

Bey finally gave me a Red Carpet look I like. Best Dressed Winner. Then she performed:
 

The lackluster performance was done in a dress that Rihanna modeled in Vogue a few months ago.
 

...then this travesty. Are those chains?

 

Rihanna doing what she does best...owning it!
 

Lady Gaga be doing the most...
 

And I love it!
 

J.Hud looks nice. She better WERQ that new weight loss!

Melanie is a pretty girl but the bottom of that dress is like a bean bag.
 

Yep, Rihanna's big twin sister is MJB.

 

P!nk looks great. The dress has scales, kinda like a mermaid.
 

Then comes Ciara. More like C-Error. A mess!
 

And Britney just HAD to upstage her. A hot ass mess is an understatement. SMH!