The day my life would change...

8.28.04

Austin, TX. 10:30AM.

University of Texas. Jester East dorm.

I had just woken up, stretched while still lying in bed. It was going to be a beautiful Saturday. I just knew it. It was 3 days before classes were to start. I was going to shower, go down for breakfast, call my family back home, talk to my grandmother, relax on 40 Acres Mall with some friends…just basically hang out.

While lying in bed, my phone rings. It was my cousin. He and his family lived just across the highway from campus. I answered, “Good morning”. He asked how I was, asked again making sure I was good. I told him I was fine and feeling good. 

Then he asked, “Are you sitting down?” I told him I was laying down. By this time, I was feeling so good that I hadn’t really caught on to where the conversation was going. There was a small pause, like he was trying to find the right words.

“She’s gone.” I knew what he meant. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t breathe or move. I just froze, staring at the ceiling. My cousin kept calling my name, trying to get my attention and asking if I’m okay. Finally, I said, “I’m fine.” He’d made plans to pick me up and take me to the bus station so I could get home and be with my family. I hung up after that, laid there for a minute then sat up. I looked down at the phone. “My grandmother is gone,” I thought.

Before I knew it, the phone flies across the room into the wall. I was on the floor in tears, screaming. After a while I scrambled across the floor to the phone. Thank God it still worked. I needed to talk to my mother. I desperately NEEDED to talk to her. I couldn’t dial the numbers, kept getting frustrated. After 7 tries, the phone rings…voicemail. My words barely escaped as I couldn’t breathe because of how hard I cried. I needed my mom. So I tried her cell and I got her. She spent the next half hour trying to calm me down over the phone. Ha. I thought I was supposed to console her instead. Mom advised me to get my things together so my cousin can take me to the station to go home. She said everything will be okay. “We’ll be all right. She’s gone home now. She doesn’t have to suffer anymore.” After that, she said she loved me and I was later on the 3 hour trip back to Houston.

Six years later, it’s still not easy. The tears still come. The little things are constantly reminding me of her. From time to time, I hear her voice. I can still smell her scent and hear her laughter. I still expect her to pop up every holiday with a truckload of gifts and lots of food to cook. Man, I miss her cooking. She was the best. A song could be playing and the waterworks would start. I wish she was here to see me now. I know she’s proud of me. I know she sees all the changes in my life and everything that I’ve gone through. The good and the bad. 

I took a moment of silence today at 10:15AM. The time she took her last breath. I decided to write a letter to her. I’ll leave it on her resting place the next time I visit. I miss her so much. I love you, NaNa. See you soon.

ATL Diaries: Silent Alarms...

I haven't done this in a while.
On the love front, shit still the same. It's hard to let go but I'm trying. I never thought I'd go through that again but I did and was left with disappointment and heartbreak. Maybe I should just give up on it all.

The job is going good. Meeting lots of people from all over. I'm also learning to work the front desk. Speaking of front desk, remember the sexy gay co-worker I wrote about? The Bible-toting one with the attitude? Yeah, he's been a lot friendly and talkative lately. What's weird is he gave me a new Bible as a gift. Yeah, okay.

The other day I found the silent alarm by accident. It was a very, VERY slow day. I was bored and was playing with something that I didn't know was the silent alarm. I didn't even know that we had a silent alarm. I found out when the police showed up. Boy, was I embarrassed.

I haven't been going out, which sucks monkey balls. Seriously, I gotta make some friends out here. I'm gonna be alone for Labor Day weekend. Who wants to take me out?

Homosexuality, Race and Religion

As you all know, I have a tumblr and last night, things got a bit serious on the very sensitive subjects of homosexuality, religion and race. From what I gathered, someone didn’t understand how the GLTB community compares themselves to Blacks. From there, I’m not surprised it escalated into a religious debate by “Christians”. (Quotations are there for a reason.) Here’s my two cents:

I just wish people would use their brains to the fullest potential and realize that the GLBT community isn’t trying to compare themselves to the black race but the FIGHT and STRUGGLE for their CIVIL RIGHTS as our African-American ancestors have done for us. Please, do not confuse that with the fight against water hoses and police batons, segregated schools and neighborhoods, or burning crosses in their front lawn. However, they do endure the same type of discrimination: physical, sometimes violent or fatal, and verbal. While blacks had to fight against whites who brought them into slavery for some hundred years and left them deprived of their basic rights as American citizens for nearly another hundred, the gay community has to butt heads with the over-zealous religious community, homophobes and neo-nazi radicals. Guess what? The GLBT community are American citizens, too, and deserves to have their basic rights just as we did. To be honest, I do not understand, for the life of me, how ANY black person, after all the things that our ancestors had to go through to get us where we are today, can discriminate against any other group of people, whether its the GLBT community, whites, Asians, Mexicans, etc. In fact, the black struggle is far from over.

Some people believes that being gay is a choice. Some believes it is natural, while others may believe that it is a result of an unfortunate event that occurred to them as a child. I personally believe all three. I believe it could be a choice based on experimenting and saying “Oh this is better!” I believe a person can be born gay just as a person can be born straight (and if you do some research, you’ll find that this has been scientifically proven). And lastly, the result of an event that could be rape, incest, molestation or perhaps that’s the environment the individual has known and grew up around. An individual who is gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans-gendered doesn’t make them any less of a human being as anyone else nor does it make them any lesser in God’s eyes. 

“God does not like the ACT of gay.” I can see where you’re going with this, and many may have not used their comprehensive skills as I did; however, if there is no “act of homosexuality” then gays wouldn’t exist. They’re the only ones, and some straights who experiment, who commit acts of homosexuality so I can understand how many may take that statement as meaning God doesn’t like gay people. Who are WE to say what God likes or doesn’t like. I could say that He doesn’t like the white boy sitting next to me but in actuality, God may like him more than He likes me. A gay man who goes to church every Sunday probably has a better chance at entering the Kingdom of Heaven than the straightest man who only shows up for Easter. We know what the Bible says; it’s there in black and white text. The problem is the “Christians” who preach the Bible, not according to their own interpretations but what was taught and embedded into their brain as they grew up. Most don’t take the time to actually read and research for themselves, which they could discover so much as I did. I dare you to ask a Christian that claims to read and know the Good Book about the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. If the words “homosexuals” or “gays” come up, they didn’t read or research anything because the story makes no mention in any way. So why homosexuality is tied with the word “sodomy” and the story? “Christians”. Overly zealous religious groups that only chooses to single out certain things in the Bible that THEY don’t like. Some of them bearing tattoos, wearing mixed garments of fabric, has cut their hair or shaved their beard, eating pork and shellfish. Some of them have been divorced and remarried, committed adultery or incest, rape or murder. The Bible address all of these sins as the same but the “Christians” address homosexuality as worse. Then comes the “God hates…” or “God says this or that” arguments. This is when I believe they become ignorant and there is no point in continuing the argument because their so-called points become invalid. Did these “Christians” forget let he who is without sin case the first stone? We don’t get to judge who’s going to hell and who’s not. No one sin is greater than the other. God loves each individual as much as the next person. God is love, or did we forget that? The only judgment that matters is God. 

Did you know?: Homosexuality was widely accepted, mostly during ancient Roman and Greek times for long before the Biblical times, when the white men came along with their “Christian” views. The King James version was selected from many versions by the Catholics as the “official version”. The Bible was also used to justify the enslavement of Africans, discrimination and segregation, and war. 

Back to (Boring) Me

I decided to go ahead and give this crazy bitch a listen. I can’t really be a fan of hers anymore after she tried that fake ass suicide attempt. I still believe all that “drama” is a publicity stunt since she needs buzz because her upcoming album isn’t generating any. I already liked the lead single “Bittersweet” (notice she sings, “my Lord, my Lord…this shit is bittersweet”). The 2nd single, “Man of the House” is catchy but I doubt it will do well as a single. And of course, “Even Angels” is a nice somewhat motivational track. Unfortunately, it feels like the album is all over the place. While each and every track is great or just good enough, I find myself getting bored by the 4th track and trying to stay awake and maintain attention by the 6th. I feel the album wasn’t well put together and there aren’t any good singles. However, Fanny does show some growth. I’d have to listen to the tracks randomly instead of from beginning to end. Not THE best but definitely a good one. Glad Fanny and Monica is resurrecting the female R&B genre and sticking true to it. Now it’s time for Faith and Kelly P. to follow suit.

Standout: “I’m Here” (from ‘The Color Purple’ musical) - This shit had me on my damn feet.

Grade: 3.5/4

In stores 8/24

There aren't just dumb customers...

There are dumb hotel guests too.

Just because we're right next door to Turner Studios, it doesn't mean I see celebrities.
Parking is free. It's a fricking hotel!!
"Can I speak to the manager?" "Sure, one moment." *transfers*...."I got disconnected. I need the manager." No bitch, you got his voicemail. Leave a message.
WE SAID WE CAN'T EMAIL YOU SHIT WHEN YOU CHECK OUT!!!!! CLEAN YOUR FUCKING EARS!!!
"Is there designated parking?" "No. It's a hotel parking lot for the guest. You can park wherever." "But I just asked if there's designated parking and you said no." *wonders if this bitch heard what I said or knows what designated means*
You don't call the front desk to complain then tip the person you complained about.
Don't sit in the parking lot, call the hotel's front desk to ask questions about the hotel if you're potentially staying there.
"No. Atlantic Station is just within walking distance, we'll walk." Okay. It's hotter than Satan's coochie and A.S. is a 20 minute walk...go 'head on.
Please have the address and building name BEFORE you get on the shuttle.
No, I don't speak Spanish. When I say "Me no speeka dee espanisha", that should be your clue to shut the fuck up.
I don't speak or read Chinese either, so don't put me on the phone with your sister. Chang wong yu fuk me...

And all you black folks, STOP ASKING ME FOR DISCOUNTS!!! You can stay in another hotel other than mine within the company and you'll get NO free rides!

I can only be nice for a while...

From my own personal experiences, meaning how I am, I don't like to bother people who walks around with a bad attitude. Why? Because they seem like they'll blow up on you. I was...no wait, still AM one of those people. There's my roommate. A week ago he thought I was ignoring and disrespecting him, which I wasn't. I CAN show what ignore and disrespect is. However, I have no reason to do either one but he's upset about it and has been walking around with an attitude. I tried to speak to show him that there is no problem between us but he only responds with short word answers and that nasty attitude. In the last 3 days, I haven't said a word. I tried to be nice but it got me nowhere. I decided not to bother him any longer until he visits Dr. Get-over-it. I'm not about to have him blow up at me because then we'd have a very serious problem. But I hope he lets whatever his problem is go before it drives me insane.

Still Waiting for the "Gotcha"

• Montana Fishburne becoming a porn star
• Kat Stacks
• Brian Pumper’s music career
• Nicki Minaj’s “Pink Friday” album title
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s marriage
• Ne-Yo’s so-called baby on the way
• Kanye wanting to work with Justin Bieber
• This crap song that Kanye, Beyonce and Uncle Charlie did
• While I’m at it, Kanye’s “Power” video
• Lil B is THE shit
• You dun goof’d.
• Soulja Boy is one of the greatest rappers of all time
• Kelis’s child & spousal support demands breaking Nas
• Sarah Palin. Nuff said.
• Michael Jackson’s death