Coming out: One Year Later

July 4th marked the one year anniversary of my coming out process.

Well, it wasn't really me coming out. Just my mom, sister and brother telling me that they know. But it was a good thing and the start of a better life.

I moved to Atlanta and got a job, met a lot of new people. Made new friends, lost a few. I've gained some confidence, although I could gain more. I was able to learn how to be myself without hiding anymore. I became happier.

I haven't been depressed or thought about taking the easy way out.

What's quite surprising though is how bold I've become. I mean, I'm more outgoing but so bold. Yeah, I've been through a lot of changes.

And change has been great. :)

My Top 5 Albums of the Year...

...So far...

5. Chris Brown - F.A.M.E.
4. Jill Scott - Light of the Sun
3. Marsha Ambrosius - Late Nights...Early Mornings
2. Beyonce - 4
1. Adele - 21

Letting you know right now that numbers 1 and 2 are not changing. At all.

**from January to June 2011**

Okay, let's catch up...

So here's what I been up to:

Working. Tumblr-ing. Tweeting. Facebooking...sorta.

Movies I've caught up on: The Tourist (A+); Harry Potter Part 7.2 (A); X-Men First Class (A); Paranormal Activity 2 (C...but the storyline I give major props for connecting everything); Captain America (B); Jumping The Broom (A...Loretta Divine is a time!); I Am Number Four (D); Due Date (B).

Been shopping...as usual. Mostly shoes. Toms. Vans........................Sperry's. I'm an addict. That's step one.

Been drinking. I'm not an addict. It's in my blood. Runs in the family.

My bestie's friend is moving here. Good times in our future.

I missed posting this but July 6th marked a whole year since my move to Atlanta. I'm an official ATLien now. Woohoo! Love it here.

July 26th marked my whole year of working for...the company that I work for. I'm so proud of myself. And so happy to have a job...although, I do hate it sometimes. Blame the people. My coworkers are great though. They give me soap opera drama. No, seriously...they do. If you only knew...

Let's see...what else?

Oh yeah, I finally got fucked. In a threesome. That's all the deets you need to know.

Bye.

A Vacation Was All I Needed...

For the past week and a half, I took a vacation from work and ATL, and decided to go home to Houston and visit family and friends.

It was so great seeing them. Even met up with some friends for the first time. Even connected two of my bestest friends.

I also learned that I'm short for a dude. Like, all of my male friends are taller than I am. Randy, CK, Steven, Peppah. I guess you could say I look up to all of them.

There was one downside though. My lil bro was letting me use his car for during my trip. But towards the end of my vacation I met up with friends at the Jungle (the club is actually called 2020 but it's pretty much like a zoo in there). As I left, I noticed my brother's car was missing. Stolen. I was pissed. My first thought was my brother. It was his car...his FIRST car, which he only had for a couple of months, and one that he bought with his hard earned money and paying a note on. There wasn't even anything drawing attention to be stolen. The fact that some of my clothes, a brand new pair of shoes and my iTouch was in the car didn't cross my mind until the next day. All that mattered was the car.

That night, he texted me: "Go home and rest big bro. Life goes on. I'm just gonna grind a lil harder."

Yeah, I probably was more pissed than he was.

To the assholes that took the car, what goes around...comes around.

Blast from the Past...

So there's this guy I've known since middle school. Well, we used to do a few "things" back then.

A few months ago, we found each other on Facebook (I know, I know) and reminisced about the past and the "good times" we had. We've been talking a lot since then. But lately, the past week, seemed a little different from our normal talks. 

It all started with his comments on my photos from the photoshoot with Deonte K (See previous post). Now, he wants to get to know me...more than he already does. Mind, body & soul. But I had to tell him "friends first" then see what happens from there. Plus, he lives in Denver. I've never had a relationship before so long distance is something I don't know about. That's even scarier.

With my history in these situations, I'm not ready to let my brick walls come down again. I can't do it. He's a great guy and we have that history, and I realize the feelings I had then are still there but I'd rather save myself from getting my hopes up and getting heartbroken and disappointed. If it happens, so be it. All I know is right this moment, I got to protect myself and my feelings. 

I gave up on trying to find and fall in love. I don't want it nor do I care for it anymore. Thanks to all the guys in my past that I could have had a relationship with, I've learned that what they tell you is just a game. Flirting is a game. How or what they feel about you...all lies. 

So I thought maybe I'll play the game, too. Well, just not with him though.

Do you wanna be on Top?

Courtesy of my best buddy Deonte Keller (@DeonteK)

Congratulations. You're still in the running to become America's Next Top Model.

People said my hands are big. *hides hands*

Life & Desires

For us to avoid heartbreak and disappointment, we allow ourselves to never let something that could good for us happen. We do that because of our past experiences; it discourages us. We just give up. We stop trying because we don’t want to deal with it anymore. So we force ourselves to believe that we are happy with the way things are, forgetting the one thing we desire is still in our hearts.
Many will say that we will regret that decision of giving up when we get older but that one thing we desire doesn’t define our lives. Its how we live our lives, experiencing and exploring and having fun. Living…that’s what defines your life.
When you get older, you should be able to look back and say, “I’ve lived a great life with no regrets.” No regrets because you stop putting all your energy into that one desire that keeps disappointing you or breaking your heart & into living. Never think you’re a fool for letting your guard down for anything or anyone. Its because of our past that we have good reason to keep it up.
Trust me, it saves us a lot of tears.