Drifting...

I've been distancing myself from everyone lately.

I'm at this point where I'm not feeling anybody. They've all become too...phony, for the lack of a better word. I'm not really surprised about it anymore. People have shown their true colors. The vibes I've been getting, especially from the same people as before. You know they say, "Go with your gut." Well, this feeling has been using my gut as a punching bag and now I'm paying attention.

People that used to fuck with me, don't do so anymore. Some of them will speak if I initiate the conversation, which really isn't a conversation when I feel as though they're replying out of obligation or that I'm forcing them to communicate. A lot of them, I haven't spoken to in a long while. Frankly, I don't give a damn to. Not anymore. Hell, if anyone wants to talk, they know how to reach me.

I used to sit around and think, "Okay, what did I do? Did I say something? Are they mad at me?" Well, you know what, I'm not the problem. People just don't know how to be real anymore. What I give is what I am. I'm not here to be a part time friend for hire when it's convenient for anyone. Fake a friendship? No ma'am, fuck that. I refuse to be in for just a season.

There are best friends I can go days without talking yet it will always be as if we hang out every single day. There's a best friend that if for one day he hadn't heard from me, he'll text me to make sure I'm okay and assured me that I'll never have to question our friendship. I realize that these are the only people I need in my life. Yeah, my circle just got smaller. Avoiding facebook. Twitter deactivated; in this moment, I feel like letting it completely delete after the 30 days. We'll see then. 

I'm just over it all. There comes a time when you realize you don't need anybody. Just yourself and you'll be fine. Well...*cues "Me, Myself and I"*...time for my life to take a vacation from it all.Good time for some wine...

Beautiful Sunrise

Shuffles from behind

A little stir in the sheets

Your arm embrace me

 

Tingles all over

As your skin contacts with mine

A high, this moment

Soft as cotton balls

Your lips exploring the nape

My sweet spot, my neck

I turn to face you

Gaze into your hazel eyes

Piercing through my soul

Je t'adore, you say

Je veux être avec toi

My soul fills with warmth

A kiss of passion

Your hands caressing my face

As we become one

As a light shines through

You embrace me as we watch

Beautiful sunrise.

I don't know what love is...

I don't know what love feels like.

I love my family and friends; I just never had THAT love.
I don't know it.

You know, THAT love you see people gush and blush about.
THAT love where you can't talk about him or her without trying to hide your smile.
Supposedly THAT love when you start to miss him or her yet it hadn't been 24 hours since you last saw them.

The one that makes your pulse race and your heart skip beats.
That sends a chill down your spin the moment your skin contacts.

All of that sappy stuff. I shudder even to think about it.

I doubt if I ever get the chance to experience it.

Frankly, I pretty much don't care to know what love is.

Life & Desires

For us to avoid heartbreak and disappointment, we allow ourselves to never let something that could good for us happen. We do that because of our past experiences; it discourages us. We just give up. We stop trying because we don’t want to deal with it anymore. So we force ourselves to believe that we are happy with the way things are, forgetting the one thing we desire is still in our hearts.
Many will say that we will regret that decision of giving up when we get older but that one thing we desire doesn’t define our lives. Its how we live our lives, experiencing and exploring and having fun. Living…that’s what defines your life.
When you get older, you should be able to look back and say, “I’ve lived a great life with no regrets.” No regrets because you stop putting all your energy into that one desire that keeps disappointing you or breaking your heart & into living. Never think you’re a fool for letting your guard down for anything or anyone. Its because of our past that we have good reason to keep it up.
Trust me, it saves us a lot of tears.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off straight...

I’ve always had girls who wanted to date me but were disappointed to know that I’m gay. My whole life without dating or a relationship…I’ve liked so many guys but can’t seem to get one that likes me or wants to be with me.

But then again, I don’t think I’d be able to like the fish. I'll stick with the dicks.

If I had talent, I wouldn't want to be famous...

The media and the public will build you up to tear you down.

Once there’s a smudge on your perfect image, that’s all they need to hound you for the rest of your life.

Look at Whitney Houston. The drugs and the Diane Sawyer interview…9 years later, she’s STILL being ridiculed.

Michael Jackson and the child molestation allegations. Even in death, the man cannot rest in peace with all the legal and family drama and financial woes.

Tiger Woods. He screws 13 white women with no condom and have no kids out of wedlock…he’s still going to be asked to talk about it.

Although I’m a fan of Chris Brown (not to confuse with “stan”), I’m not condoning his reactions after the GMA interview. That was very childish. However, Robin Roberts should have respected Chris when he repeatedly tried to redirect the interview’s focus back to his album, emphasis and all. She ignored that and kept pressing the incident issue. That was very rude.

Chris has had his domestic violence classes. Now he needs anger management.

Robin needs lessons on how to respect and lessons in how not to be rude.

Rihanna could use some lessons on speaking English and Ciara could use a job.

Charlie Sheen needs a room in an asylum.

Victoria Jackson can go to hell.

I’m done. *Breezy Voice*

53rd Annual Grammy Predictions

The nominees are here. These are just my predictions. If I don’t choose your faves, get a life. 

Record of the Year: B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars, “Nothing On You”, Eminem featuring Rihanna, “Love The Way You Lie”, Cee-lo Green, “Fuck You”, Jay-Z & Alicia Keys, “Empire State of Mind”; Lady Antebellum, “Need You Now” - There’s no denying that all of these songs were big hits but “Need You Now” was definitely THE biggest. Plus the Grammy’s love Lady A.

Album of the Year: Eminem - Recovery, Arcade Fire - The Suburbs, Lady Antebellum - Need You Now, Katy Perry - Teenage Dream, Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster - I’m a bigger fan of Gaga but she’s not going to get this one. Katy has NO chance in Hell. Eminem and Lady A’s records were huge so this is basically a coin toss; one of them has it in the bag. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s given to the unknown Arcade Fire just as Herbie Hancock was given the award.

Song of the Year: Ray LaMontagne, songwriter (Ray LaMontagne And The Pariah Dogs) - “Beg, Steal or Borrow”; Cee Lo Green, Philip Lawrence & Bruno Mars, songwriters (Cee Lo Green) - “Fuck You”; Tom Douglas & Allen Shamblin, songwriters (Miranda Lambert) - “The House That Built Me”; Alexander Grant, Holly Hafferman & Marshall Mathers, songwriters (Eminem Featuring Rihanna) - “Love The Way You Lie”; Dave Haywood, Josh Kear, Charles Kelley & Hillary Scott, songwriters (Lady Antebellum) - “Need You Now” -There’s no denying this one.

Best New Artist: Justin Bieber, Drake, Florence & The Machines, Mumford and Sons, Esperanza Spalding - Honestly, anybody but Justin(a) or Drake.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance: Sara Bareilles, “King of Anything”; Beyonce, “Halo (Live from I Am…Yours An Intimate Performance at Wynn Las Vegas)”; Norah Jones, “Chasing Pirates”; Lady Gaga, “Bad Romance”; Katy Perry, “Teenage Dream” - I won’t even start with the Beyonce nomination. Straight to the point: it’s Lady Gaga or Norah Jones (another Grammy darling).

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance: Michael Jackson, “This Is It”; Bruno Mars, “Just The Way You Are”; Michael Buble, “Haven’t Met You Yet”; Adam Lambert, “Whataya Want From Me”; John Mayer, “Half of My Heart” - Definitely one of the toughest categories, I’m just going out on a limb and say Bruno Mars will take this one. Don’t quote me on this one, though. Either guy could win.

Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals: Glee Cast, “Don’t Stop Believin’ (Regionals Version)”; Maroon 5, “Misery”; Paramore, “The Only Exception”; Sade, “BabyFather”; Train, “Hey, Soul Sister (Live)” - If this was 10 years ago when the Grammy’s still had substance and serious credibility, Sade would take this home. But it’s 10 years later, and I’m going with Paramore. Still, a tough one.

Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals: B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams and Eminem, “Airplanes Pt. II”; Herbie Hancock featuring P!NK, India.Arie, Seal, Konono No 1, Jeff Beck & Oumou Sangare, “Imagine”; Elton John & Leon Russell, “If It Wasn’t For Bad”; Lady Gaga & Beyonce, “Telephone”; Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg, “California Gurls” - This is a toss-up between Katy, Gaga and B.o.B. The other two doesn’t exactly scream “pop”. If fans were voting, Katy would win. But they’re not so BeyGaga has this one.

Best Pop Vocal Album: Justin Bieber, My World 2.0; Susan Boyle, I Dreamed A Dream; Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster; John Mayer, Battle Studies; Katy Perry, Teenage Dream -SuBo. Nuff said. And I don’t even like her.

Best Female R&B Vocal Performance: Faith Evans, “Gone Already”; Fantasia, “Bittersweet”;Monica, “Everything To Me”; Kelly Price, “Tired”; Jazmine Sullivan, “Holding You Down (Going In Circles)” - If the Grammy’s were true to the vocal performances then, hands down, Kelly would just pick up her award without needing the winner announced. But the Grammy’s are more-so about popularity these days. It’s a battle between Mo and Fanny but Miss Thang will most likely take this one. One of the biggest songs, most added and 7 weeks at number one…what more do you need? Some SERIOUS sangin’-your-ass-off, of course.

Best Male R&B Vocal Performance: El DeBarge, “Second Chance”; Jaheim, “Finding My Way Back”; Kem, “Why Would You Stay?”; Kirk Whalum & Musiq Soulchild, “We’re Still Friends”; Usher, “There Goes My Baby” - The Grammy’s love a comeback but not so much, according to the Whitney Houston snub fiasco. So El, no. This goes to Usher. C’mon son, it was another huge song.

Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group: Chuck Brown, Jill Scott & Marcus Miller, “Love”; Chris Brown & Tank, “Take My Time”; Ron Isley & Aretha Franklin, “You’ve Got A Friend”; John Legend & The Roots, “Shine”; Sade, “Soldier of Love” - Tough one. Hmm, Ron and ReeRee, John and the Roots or Sade gets this one. My money…Sade.

Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance: R. Kelly, “When A Woman Loves”, John Legend & The Roots, “Hang On In There”, Calvin Richardson, “You’re So Amazing”; Ryan Shaw, “In Between”; Betty Wright, “Go (Live)” - Kellz. I mean, have you HEARD the song? Trey Songz who?

Best Urban/Alternative Performance: Bilal, “Little One”; Cee-lo Green, “Fuck You”; Carolyn Malachi, “Orion”; Janelle Monae featuring Big Boi, “Tightrope”; Eric Roberson, “Still” - Cee-lo or Janelle. “Fuck You” was just genius.

Best R&B Song: Charles Harmon & Claude Kelly, songwriters (Fantasia), “Bittersweet”; Ivan “Orthodox” Barias, Curt Chambers, Carvin “Ransum” Haggins, Jaheim Hoagland & Miquel Jontel, songwriters (Jaheim), “Finding My Way Back”; E. Debarge & Mischke, songwriters (El DeBarge), “Second Chance”; John Stephens, songwriter (John Legend & The Roots), “Shine”; K. Owens, songwriter (Kem), “Why Would You Stay” - Monica, Kelly Price, Alicia Keys, Sade, R. Kelly and Usher were snubbed in this category. The only one deserving of this nomination is Fantasia, so she gets it.

Best R&B Album:  Raheem DeVaughn, The Love & War Masterpeace; Fantasia, Back To Me; Jaheim, Another Round; John Legend & The Roots, Wake Up!; Monica, Still Standing - Mo or Fanny gets this. Two of the best R&B albums released this year. By the way, where’s Alicia.

Best Contemporary R&B Album: Chris Brown, Graffiti; R. Kelly, Untitled; Ryan Leslie, Transition; Janelle Monae, The ArchAndroid; Usher, Raymond v. Raymond - My vote would go for Janelle. But this is the Grammy’s. Chris or Usher? Chris would be a pity win, though I liked his album. So…it’s Usher. Alicia’s missing again.

Best Rap Solo Performance: Drake, “Over”; Eminem, “Not Afraid”; Ludacris, “How Low”; T.I., “I’m Back”; Kanye West, “Power” - Too easy. Eminem. He’s a Grammy favorite. Yeezy is a close 2nd.

Best Rap Performance by a Duo/Group: Big Boi & Cutty, “Shutterbugg”; Drake, T.I. & Swizz Beatz, “Fancy”; Jay-Z & Swizz Beatz, “On to the Next One”; Ludacris & Nicki Minaj, “My Chick Bad”; Young Jeezy & Plies, “Lose My Mind” - It’s either Jay and Swizz or Luda and Nicki. Whether Nicki wins or loses, stan wars volume 75498…

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration: B.o.B. & Bruno Mars, “Nothing On You”; Chris Brown, Tyga & Kevin McCall, “Deuces”; Eminem & Rihanna, “Love The Way You Lie”; Jay-Z & Alicia Keys, “Empire State Of Mind”; John Legend, The Roots, Melanie Fiona & Common, “Wake Up! Everybody” - Eminem’s a Grammy favorite, so in this order: Love the Way You Lie, Deuces, Nothing on You.

Best Rap Song: Shawn Carter, Angela Hunte, Burt Keyes, Alicia Keys, Jane’t “Jnay” Sewell-Ulepic & Alexander Shuckburgh, songwriters (Sylvia Robinson, songwriter) (Jay-Z & Alicia Keys) - “Empire State of Mind”; Alexander Grant, Holly Hafferman & Marshall Mathers, songwriters (Eminem & Rihanna) - “Love The Way You Lie”; M. Burnett, J. Evans, Marshall Mathers, L. Resto & M. Samuels, songwriters (Eminem) - “Not Afraid”; Philip Lawrence, Ari Levine, Bruno Mars & Bobby Simmons Jr., songwriters (B.o.B & Bruno Mars) - “Nothing On You”; Shawn Carter, J. Chaton & K. Dean, songwriters (G. Auge & X. De Rosnay, songwriters) (Jay-Z & Swizz Beatz) - “On To The Next One” - Wow. Jay-Z and Eminem are nominated twice here. B.o.B. has no chance. If Jay wins, it should be “Empire State of Mind”. If Em wins, it’s “Not Afraid”.

Best Rap Album:  B.o.B., The Adventures of Bobby Ray; Drake, Thank Me Later; Eminem, Recovery; Jay-Z, The Blueprint 3; The Roots, How I Got Over - Eminem. That’s a given.