Over it all...

I'm really irritated right now.

For the past week I've been so tired and irritated by every little thing. When I get that way, I start over-thinking and over-analyzing everything.

I feel so alone right now. Yeah, I'm talking to a few people here and there but I'm always putting on this smile to hide what's really going through my mind. As much as I try to remain positive and optimistic about everything, there's always something else. Today, a couple of people actually saw through that fake ass smile. One said they will pray for me.

I know I have a few friends but it feels like I don't. Only one here in ATL, while the others that could have been flaked. Well, one I can understand because it's my fault that I opened my big ass mouth about my feelings for him. So I don't blame him for not wanted to know me anymore. All my other friends are out of state. My family is far, too.

I promised I wouldn't give up on dating and looking for love but I'm just over it because it's like it's never going to happen. I meet a guy, get to know him and like him...he flirts. But that's all that happens. He flirts and that's it. It goes nowhere and I'm left to pick up the broken pieces of my face after I realize it. "Keep trying", they say. If not ONE guy I've ever liked, had feelings for or talked to ever liked me back then what's the point? I'm at the point now that I want to delete my Twitter and FB. I could just unfollow and unfriend a couple of people but there's too many mutual friends that I'll never be rid of them completely.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the problem. I feel like I've annoyed people and drove them away. Perhaps I'm not good enough, or cute enough, or worthy enough for anyone to want.

I'm starting to feel like a big waste of space. And no, this is not a suicide letter. I don't have the time for all that.