...but it's bittersweet.
I've come out of my shell, made a few friends...and a best friend for-fucking-ever. I'd say I've become a completely different person and I've made great progress...but the work isn't over.
I've gained a LOT of confidence but still have insecurity issues.
I can talk to just about anybody immediately upon meeting them. Six months ago, I'd be shy and observant of who the individual is and what they're about. The problem is making the first move on someone I like. That, I've never done before.
I've become bold. I mean, I flat-out asked "date" guy if he wanna do it. (If you're slow to understand what I mean, I'm talking about sex) Yeah, I was planning to wait until I get into a relationship but that's not happening for me anytime soon and I'm horny as hell. I mean, it's been...too damn long already. Long enough for me to be considered a virgin.
Sure, I've gotten rejected twice this year but I've been handling it a whole lot better. The first rejection actually prepared me for the 2nd one. Growing some thick skin here.
But what makes things bittersweet is I've lost to very good friends. Well, one I know for sure but the other I have a feeling. That's been one of my besties and I still consider them so but now it's like I'm not their friend anymore. They've been so short with me lately, giving me nothing but the simple "hey" or "yea" or "lol"...nothing else. We used to greet each other like "heyyyyyy" but they don't even do that anymore. I sit here thinking and trying to figure out what it is that I did or said to make them suddenly stop talking to me, so I can apologize. I don't understand it at all. I miss my bestie so much and I want them back.
The other friend I can understand because it's my fault. It would have been better had I never told him I had feelings for him. I guess it's better that he acts as if I don't exist. It still sucks because I still consider him a friend.
I guess I have to just learn that's the way life plays it's game.
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