Maybe I'm over-thinking...

Sometimes I find myself questioning my friendship with others. I wonder if they really consider me as a friend or maybe they're just being nice but don't give a damn at all. When I call a person my friend, I mean that. I never use that term loosely.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm annoying to my friends. Maybe they don't want to be bothered with me. I start reading between the lines and get that feeling they may be saying to themselves, "Why is this nigga talking to me?" or "What this bitch want now?" I get the vibe that they don't really want to talk and that I should leave them alone.

I'm usually always the one that hits them up, the one that speaks first. Then that awkward moment happens until or when they respond. Then there's the awkward moment when it seems like I just don't fit in. Then there's the moment when I feel like I haven't been a good friend. Then there's the moment when I share something with a friend and I lose that friend.

I really don't like the feeling that everybody that I think of as a friend could possibly not think of me as the same. I love all of my friends, unconditionally. No matter what, I'll be there for them when they need me.

Why I always do this to myself, I don't know. Maybe I'm just reading too much into things that I'm just really reaching. I hope that's the case...

Love Knocks You Down...

Have you ever grew strong feelings of like for someone that you want to be with them? The two of you talk for a while, start hanging out...having intimate moments of conversation. You reveal your feelings to them and they somewhat vaguely tell you in a why they like you. Crazy feelings of emotions you go through you've never experienced before. However, you agree to remain on the friends level but hope somewhere in the very near future, you'll become more than just friends.

It doesn't happen. They meet someone else and introduce you to them. You play nice like everything is fine. But it's not. Or you start to realize that maybe they just don't want you. You're hurt, broken-hearted and torn apart. You feel all kinds of emotions you've never felt before.

I've been there once before and it feels like I'm there again. I don't want to be. Why is it so hard to let it go?