The "Date" guy...

So, things aren't going the way I hoped but to be honest, I kind of expected that to happen, especially given my history with guys I've liked. It sort of prepared me for this moment, I guess.

Follow up to: So...first "date"?

I confessed that I like him a lot. I'm not really sure if he feels the same or not but it doesn't even matter anyway. I don't regret telling him but I felt embarrassed and ashamed for the way it happened, though he told me not to be.

Having just gotten out of a relationship, I can understand why he isn't ready to jump into another one. It's best not to bring the issues of the past into a new relationship. I think that's the best thing to do by resolving those issues, and I have a lot of respect for him wanting to do that.

I would love to wait for him, and I wouldn't mind it, but he probably wouldn't want me to do that. During our conversation about love and relationships, like all my friends, he told me not to give up.

At least we can still be friends and hang out. It still kind of sucks though...

The BK drive-thru boy...

Basically, I've been going to BK for breakfast and then I see this really cute guy. Lance is his name. Since then, I've been going back, just to see him. For a while, we never really speak. Just glance and smile.

One day I left my debit card as I paid for my breakfast so I had to go back to get it. Mind you, I told y’all I go there just to see his lil cute ass sometimes. 

When I went back, we actually started having conversations. So I started going there for lunch on some days. He remembers my green debit card and asks if I paid with it. Once, he joked through the speaker, "You better not pay with that card either." He knows my voice. 

But I’ve noticed lately, every time I pull up to the window, he has this look in his eyes…and the way he smiles. You know, when you make eye contact with someone you like and you have this look that shows interest?

And then I get that same look and that same kind of smile when I see him.

There’s an obvious attraction that’s going on between us. And I’m kind of scared about that. 

I’ve been wanting to give him some type of contact, be it Twitter or maybe my phone number but I’m nervous and scared of actually doing that. I’ve never been the first one to actually make the move. 

Another thing, I still very much like the other guy from my previous post (the date post - more on that later). 

I don’t know if I can go through with it…

Dancing the stress away...

I had so much fun with my best friend last night. We were planning to go to Luckie Lounge until my…well, I don’t really know what to call him yet but the guy I had my first ever date with a few weeks ago told me that we should go to First Friday ATL (obviously one of the best parties in ATL), since he was going to be there. **I think he just wanted to see me but to be honest, I wanted to see him too**

We got there kinda early but we kept dancing from the start to the end. “Him” was late but he was looking so good! My best friend approves. They instantly clicked just like I hoped and his friends were all cool. He bought me drinks.

Laz Alonzo *faints*, Biz Markie and Mannie Fresh were all there.

I'm glad I got out to have fun. I needed to let go of all the stress I've been through lately. I've written some things but I haven't decided if I'm going to post them yet.

*****My bestie texted me talking about how much I was blushing. I was not! Not that much.

Over it all...

I'm really irritated right now.

For the past week I've been so tired and irritated by every little thing. When I get that way, I start over-thinking and over-analyzing everything.

I feel so alone right now. Yeah, I'm talking to a few people here and there but I'm always putting on this smile to hide what's really going through my mind. As much as I try to remain positive and optimistic about everything, there's always something else. Today, a couple of people actually saw through that fake ass smile. One said they will pray for me.

I know I have a few friends but it feels like I don't. Only one here in ATL, while the others that could have been flaked. Well, one I can understand because it's my fault that I opened my big ass mouth about my feelings for him. So I don't blame him for not wanted to know me anymore. All my other friends are out of state. My family is far, too.

I promised I wouldn't give up on dating and looking for love but I'm just over it because it's like it's never going to happen. I meet a guy, get to know him and like him...he flirts. But that's all that happens. He flirts and that's it. It goes nowhere and I'm left to pick up the broken pieces of my face after I realize it. "Keep trying", they say. If not ONE guy I've ever liked, had feelings for or talked to ever liked me back then what's the point? I'm at the point now that I want to delete my Twitter and FB. I could just unfollow and unfriend a couple of people but there's too many mutual friends that I'll never be rid of them completely.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the problem. I feel like I've annoyed people and drove them away. Perhaps I'm not good enough, or cute enough, or worthy enough for anyone to want.

I'm starting to feel like a big waste of space. And no, this is not a suicide letter. I don't have the time for all that.

A couple of movies...

Fast Five

Ever wondered why a movie franchise keeps making sequels that keeps getting worst with each film? Yeah, I felt the same for this one. So naturally, I was skeptical in seeing this but I'm glad I did. Boy, was I wrong! This film was certainly MILES better than the last 2. No, LIGHTYEARS!!! Vin Diesel, my baby daddy Paul Walker, Tyrese, and Ludacris all reprise their roles, teaming up for a big job. Throw The Rock in to the mix and you have a sexy orgy. Well, not really...but they're all sexy. A fucking plus.

Rio

I love family movies. This one, of course, did not fail me. Great funny movie. Go see it! B+

Madea's crazy ass...

Low budget? Obvious.

Horrible acting? Definitely.

Over the top? No doubt about it.

But that's always been the case with Tyler Perry films and Madea's Big Happy Family is no different. What is different, however, is this movie is packed with more humor than drama and religion, and is less focused on having to "send a message" like the previous films. That and the fact that Madea is more prominent throughout the movie too, unlike those same previous movies. Teyana Taylor is a standout as her character is a HOOT! That can be a good thing or a bad thing. You judge. Be prepared for your sides to hurt like hell. Obviously, people loved it since it took in over $25 million during it's opening weekend. Take that, Spike Lee!

Grade: B-

How I spent my Easter?

Oh, get your minds out of the gutter!

It was my first Easter without my family. I miss them a lot. Every time all of us get together, we have the best of times.

Basically, I stayed in and watched a few movies. No egg hunting, no candies...no church. **Forgive me, Lord** Didn't have anything else to do since my bff was out of town and my other bff moved to Philly 5 months ago.

Any other friends here? No. Sad, isn't it? Oh, well. C'est la vie.