Flaws and all...

I’m so over letting my insecurities get the best of me.

It’s time I finally get over that. From here on out, I’m going to try my damn best to just embrace every flaw I have. I’m going to love me for ME.

Imperfect teeth? I’ll love them. 

Big nose? I love it. 

Every roll and jiggly flab? I embrace it all………until I get in shape.

I’ve realized I don’t have to be sexy or handsome or look like these guys we reblog and gag over. 

I’m just going to be ME, dammit. Flaws and all.

I’m still going to get in shape though…

These insecurities of mine...

I know. I'm starting to sound like a depressed broken record...but I wanted to share this.

I recently uploaded this pic as a new default on Twitter.

Bad enough I don't like to take pictures because I almost always never like how I look. But I chose this because it was the first photo of me with my newly retwisted and longer 'locs'.

Later, while I was on Twitter, I noticed I had just lost a follower. As if on cue, I see a tweet from someone I follow:

"Is it bad that I unfollowed someone because of their avatar? #shallow"

Sure enough, thanks to who.unfollowed.me, I confirmed that he was the one that unfollowed...and it was because of my default pic. When I tweeted him, "lol nah you good", all he could say was "eeeeep!" knowing he had been caught.

That really changed my whole mood for the rest of the evening. I changed the picture and sat looking through every photo of me and not liking what I saw. I know I'm not cute at all but to see that I'm that ugly enough for people to unfollow or de-friend me...

I really wish I could see what most of y'all see in me because I can only see what that person saw.

Insecurities are a bitch...

So I have self-esteem issues. I'm human.

I'm not slim, fit and toned, or built and muscular like the other guys.
I don't have the perfect lips or the sleepy bedroom eyes.
My nose is big, and I hate taking pictures because I never look good enough.
I'm short and I hate my smile.
I'm not perfect.

Yeah, yeah, "nobody's perfect, we all got flaws"...
Still, that doesn't make it any better.
The fact that I get stuck in the friend zone doesn't help.
That fucking friend zone.
Isn't that for the ugly friend?
You know, when the cute guy or girl you like doesn't like you back?
Yep, that means something is wrong with me.
Or I'm way out of my league.
Which, again, STILL doesn't make it any better.

He flirts with me, talks to me, gets to know me.
Then asks to send a pic...you know those kind of pics.
Or maybe a video...put it on Xtube.
I hesitate, what's he going to think?
Will he stop talking to me? Will he lie?
I can't do it.
I'm not like those guys...

Insecurities are a bitch.
But I can't help it.
I wish I was a 32 instead of 42.
I wish I had a washboard.
Can't even wear a muscle shirt.
I just want to look like the sexy dudes...
The ones that everybody always fall out for.
I want to go to the beaches and pools
To be able to swim and walk around with no shirt.
Is that too much to ask?
Hell, I'm tired of this jelly.

So I'm not cute, I'm not sexy.
People will say I am just to make me feel better.
Truth is, it doesn't but I always smile to hide.
Damn. Fuck you, Insecurity!